anyway, lets see.. I woke up at 2pm... wash up and then came online to check on school stuff... then I decided to go blog about yesterday's stuff... took be about an hour ba.. hahaha.. cos was still rather sleepy and drowsy.. I din had a good rest the night before... my stomach and nose were giving me problems..

anyway, blog finished then went to see what was there for me to eat... nothing much... there was some honey stars left and not even a cup of milk.. but then, what to do.. lazy to go out and since there was nothing else I ate it... hahaha.. breakfast and lunch... so pathetic hor... poor me.. hahaha..

then I watch some TV... some lady came to my house to do survey on HP... this is like the second time la.. the first was when I was with dear.. we were outside the MRT toilet at Tampinese... this lady approach me then I had to do survey... today they come my house.. hahaha... but not bad la.. in the end got a 5 buck voucher from NTUC.. hahaha.. gave mummy since I got no use of it... not currently though.. hahaha..

then I went to clean babies cages.. took me an hour plus... hahaha.. cos I was distracted by the TV... I miss watching shows at dears place... don't know why also.. hahaha.. anyway, I also had my real main meal of the day in between... fish soup.. hahaha...

left poor kiki in the sink while I was enjoying my meal.. hahaha.. kenna scolding by my bro... say I bully the poor girl.. hahaha... who ask her so naughty... give me more work to do... haiz.. hahaha... but still, my bro had a point.. hahaha... then clean the room.. hahaha.. or rather the floor... my desk is still in a mess.. but the floor is all nice, polished and clean.. hee hee.. can even sleep on the floor.. hahaha...

then I came to my room... did not know what to do.. tot of blogging but felt that it was too early (2200) so I played spider solitaire... hahaha... then dear pei ling came online.. she is such a sweet babe.. hahaha.. I am book on Friday thanks to her... she knew that my weekends are currently boring so she I going to keep me company.. hahaha.. going to watch movie.. then we gonna share popcorn.. yummy.. will have to work extra hard before and after though.. hahaha..

anyway, we talk and other friends came online.. haha.. I ask opinions about my hair... so far so good... all of them feel that I shoud make the change permanent.. hahaha.. xing yang yang le.. hahaha... think I will ask for more opinion when I go back to school.. hee hee.. exciting.. hahaha..

anyway, rather boring day.. I couldn head for the gym since I had to clear my room.. but anyway, I think I would have fainted if I did... not enough food and nutrients... my body will die.. hahaha..

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:05 PM

there is something about being the 29th of each month that makes me wanna take picture after picture and just zi lian for the camera... hahaha... I have no idea why... maybe because I become more photogenic on the 29th... bleah... hahahaha...

Girls, I made it... I did not cry at all today... yipee.. hahaha... I did think about it alot though but hey, its a major improvement yeah.. so don't worry about me... I will jia you and I will pray that everything will work out.. :)

anyway, today I really really ignore my room totally... I only woke up in my room, got dressed then after that room no more till the end of the day.. hahaha...

daddy so bad... boo hoo.. hahaha.... I was like preparing to go to school when he suddenly said:

"what is K750I? Got what functions ar? wah... price drop and blah blah blah..."

I immediately rush downstairs la... I told myself "yipee, I am getting a new phone le"... haiz.. in the end kenna pian... daddy wants to change his plan so boh bian... I have to wait till July... sob sob... anyway, I can save more money and hopefully get a better phone.. by the tone of daddy's voice, he may even pay part of it.. hee hee... so I guess the waiting is good...

hmm.. maybe I can go do something to my hair.. go perm.. hahaha... my hair has been the same for so darn long... its naturally straight... hmmm, get a new look.. hahaha...

I went to school for SIP talk... dam funny la... the guy from an event's company came to give us a talk... super funny.. I WANT TO WORK IN EVENTS!!! hahaha... we also got tips and tricks on how to write resume and cover letter... must start to prepare and send out.. as the saying goes, "the early bird catches the early worm"

the whole thing ended an hour late... had to rush to Simei to give tuition... had fun during tuition.. really forgot all my troubles and frustrations... my concentration was solely on my student... feel so great to ust forget about everything.. wish that I could drag on... hahaha... but then he was loosing concentration le.. hahaha...

I MET TEO LILI... hahaha... after what seems like ages... the last time was New year eve and she was also busy with her friends... haiz... that day brings back so many memories... the first time celebrating outside and also with dear.. felt so happy..

okok... don't sidetrack... I went to her house and wait for her to prepare.. that girl takes forever.. hahaha... I am happy to report that my baby girl is dating.. and from the was I hear about him he seems like a very sweet and committed guy... good for her... she had enough of bad relationships.. I truly wish that this one works out for her.. even though mine may not, but at least I know my daughter is happy :)

we then went to perm our hair.. hahaha.. serious... I wanted to try and see whether it suits me.. it was only temporary but still, I LOVE IT.. hahaha.. its a new me.. though it made us look more mature, I feel very lady-like and very career minded with the perm... hahaha.. maybe can really consider doing it permanent.. hee hee...

we went to take neo-print at Century Square..but of cos we went to make up first at the toilet.. I love Century Square toilet... so nice... hahaha... its been so long since I put on make up... hahaha... but wanted to look good with my daughter... so long we never take le.. hahaha...it was fun and the pics turn out pretty good... too bad I got no scanner.. hahaha... but I loved it..

we then went to have a picnic.. literally.. ahaha... but ours was outside TM.. hahaha.. really reminded me of V day where me and dear bought so much food to Pasir Ris Park... so nice and romantic.. my first picnic with my bf... wonderful memories..

dam, I always side track.. boh bian.. I got too many wonderful memories with him.. anyway, we bought food and sat outside... I think all my work out gone down.. hahaha.. nah.. did not eat the whole day so it was not so bad... hahaha.. but it was a satisfying meal.. it was great to catch up with her.. hahaha.. my next target is my dearest and longest friend... STEPHANIE HO XIAO TING.. hahaha... she currently having exams so shall disturb her next week.. hee hee.. so long never talk to her... miss her loads man.. hahaha...

I headed home but left again a few minutes later.. hahaha... stupid sean... I outside don't call.. i step into my house then he called.. idiot.. hahaha... for those who don't know.. Sean is my neighbor... he stays right above me.. hahaha.. he can stomp on the floor and I would be able to hear it.. hahaha... and he is attach... so don't anyhow think.. hahaha...

we went to the coffee shop where he bought me a drink.. Ice Milo la.. hahaha... I so guai.. cos I am helping him with his bank thing... since he lost his wallet.. hahaha.. it was nice to catch up with him.. he may live above me but I seriously seldom see him.. hahaha.. no fate...

anyway, we talk about school, about his enlistment, his gf and blah blah.. oh, and about his dogs.. hahaha... he has two... hee hee... I love dogs.. I am missing the dog farm... dear,when are we going again?? sob sob... I miss patch.. the lovable and friendly Jack Russle we saw on our first trip there... so cute.. hahaha...

anyway, I came home, wash up and took pictures.. hahaha.. I think I took 80 pics in all..hahaha.. just took at different angles, bian gui lian.. hahaha... must capture myself and my new look ma.. hahaha... I tempted to post the pics.. but then it won't be a surprise if I do... hahaha.. see how ba..

I slept at 2am.. hahaha.. in good mood ma.. so din want the feeling to be lost like that... hahaha... I din get to sleep much though... my sniffies were jia lat and my stomach was also giving me problems.. hahaha.. that would explain why I wokr up at 1pm today.. hahahaha...

I better go clean my room... my sis and mum will have a fit if I don't.. hahaha.. will blog later then...

dear dear... I

MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!!
you are mine 理想情人
I 只想愛你
You are my 天空

我要的只是妳在我身邊 (楓)
就是愛你
只對你說  I will love you and forever more

I Thank God I Found You

我只是想要 to be back to you

你還愛我嗎, I hope u do

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
1:47 PM

I hate thunder and lightning… phew… bleah… yucks… so scary and frightening… the sudden burst of light… the loud sounds… and the worst part is that it appears out of nowhere and is so sudden…

Today I made myself embarrassed… hahaha… but before all that I have an announcement to make…

I AM NOT A WIMP… hahaha… ok la… still am… but not a big one le… hee hee… ben xiao jie zhang da le… hahaha… yeah right… well, I cried ONCE today… ONCE only hor… from FOUR to ONCE… major improvement ok… hahaha… tomorrow no more… I hope… hahaha…

Anyway, back to thunder and lightning.. I made a fool out of myself today… but what to do… I was really very scared lei… I was waiting for the traffic light to change colour… the one outside delifrance part of TM…. When all of sudden there was this sudden appearance of bright light right in front of me… so scary… so I screamed… hahaha… which kind of shock me since I seldom scream… hahaha… I am not those types of girls who screamed de… hahaha… so when I screamed is a very rare chance… lol…

I think everyone was wondering why I screamed… so paiseh… but then I was really scared… I was even very tempted to squat down and cover my face and ears lei…. Super scary… furthermore, got nothing to hold on to or hug… sob sob… stupid weather… I hope this will end soon… if not got more opportunities to hear me scream le… then no one provide me tender loving care… sob sob… I so poor thing… 

I am sick… came home took my temperature… no more slight fever… now is the real deal… but cannot let mummy know… so I am all on my own… what to do… I told her I was alright le… that I was fit and healthy to go gym… but then the fever and sniffies come back le… sob… where is my TENDER LOVING CARE… hahaha….

Haiz… own body also don’t know how to take care… die le… but I need to peform magic… if not my “audience” will be disappointed… later don’t want to see me le… sob sob… so I must jia you… wo yi ding xing de 

Mummy brought me slipper shopping… yippee… cos I kept complaining that my slipper was slippery then if don’t wear slipper must wear heels… furthermore, I just sprained my leg not go and it just recovered… so don’t want to risk wearing heels so fast… in the end she bought me TWO slippers… once is to wear with pants the other is a more formal one… will upload the pictures the next few days… hahaha… I love my mummy…

I went dojo again this morning… feel at peace there and plus I am occupied… so why not… hahaha… I think the people there must be wondering why I suddenly so enthu… hahaha… well, they will just have to wonder about it ba… hahaha…

Tomorrow have to go school for SIP orientation… 0930 must report… boo hoo… so early… oh well, next week all tutorials start le… so need to get use to waking up early… at least I don’t have to go Sentosa le… but I miss that place actually… cos its so near dear’s house… :p oh well, everything comes with a price…. Luckily I am not lazy… hahaha… still don’t mind traveling to Tiong Bahru… hee hee…

Haiz… I miss my dear…. I miss him so much… wondering what he is doing… hahaha… actually think I know le… hahaha… should be gaming ba… if not he is either having supper… but I think he is gaming… haiz… do you think he is missing me… I hope so… cos I know I am missing him… a lot a lot a lot…. Hahaha… he use to wonder how his camp can give him so much shit work to do… now I am wondering how much can I miss him before my heart explodes… hahaha…. Dear, if you read this, please got reaction k? when I see u I will ask from u de… hee hee…

I am going to find new games to play… hahaha… if I can first find the correct websites to browse… dam… maybe I should go polish up my IT skills… hahaha… but then like that will miss him even more… haiz… san nao ging… but well, if u love someone, any san nao jing is worth it… and dear, you are definitely worth it…

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:16 PM

I'm sick... boo hoo.. having the sniffies (running nose).. dam.. also had slight fever... sob sob.. and no one is there to provide me tender loving care.. sob sob.. hahaha... nah.. I'm a strong and independent girl... don't have to let people take care of me.. unlike somebody whose initials are D.H.J.Q.. hahaha.. but then I also admit.. I too would like some tender loving care from him... can I have? hahaha...

anyway, always start with the bad things first... hahaha.. get over the sad then become happy.. hahaha... thats why u should always ask for the bad news before the good.. cos the good always overcome the bad... okok.. I am crapping... the sniffies are getting to me.. hee hee..

back to the sad part... I cried.. FOUR TIMES... I am such a WIMP.. but well as Li min say, I am a sui tong.. hahaha... so must let out some sui to fill again..^_^"" hahaha... lame... anyway, I cried once in the cab, once at home, once at Century Square and once at NTUC... see.. I am really the water works.. sob sob... no tender loving care ma.. :(

ok.. thats the sad part.. now the good part.. hahaha... I woke up and went to Dojo with mummy.. I am such a good daughter.. hahaha.. got class still go make time for God.. hahaha.. yin gai de.. since I m asking something from him.. oops.. no la.. I have not been there so go there and offer service.. must not stray away.. hee hee..

thats when I discovered I was sick.. sob. Kenny was there too.. he too was sick... haiz.. so sad.. why everyone sick.. stupid weather.. bleah.. anyway, I then took a cab home with mummy since it was too early so she couldn drop me off...

came home and then Hammie got wet... hahaha.. dirty so needed some cleaning though I think he got dirtier or rather saltier instead... lol... but well.. the good thing was that the real Hammies or my babies got their food and tender loving care from their mummy.. no one give me but I generous and give people or in this case my animals.. hahaha...

took a cab to school.. haiz.. first week and already take cab... sob sob.. this won't become a habit I hope.. if not I will be broke.. thank god I am not in Sentosa.. the price will be 5 to 6 times more la.. that one will confirm become broke one..

met Xue Ting and gang.. Xue Ting was the first to provide tender loving encouragement.. hahaha.. then Suan Cher provided the tender loving care with Fisherman Fresh to help my poor throat.. hahaha.. I am such a blessed girl.. no bf, have gf.. hahaha.. not saying that I don't need my boy hor.. he still important.. VERY.. hahaha...

today went for Music CDS.. I love the class.. the most interesting so far.. the teacher is so dam funny.. and cute.. hahaha.. and he should be a romantic too since he is French.. hahaha.. fantasize... hahaha.. nah.. not my type and anyway, who needs a French Romantic when I have a Singaporean one.. lol...

we heard different songs.. learnt to count beats and so on and so forth.. it was a great tutorial and time really pass quite fast... the added onus was that the class mainly made up of HTM so it was more fun.. hahaha... yipee.. can't wait to create my own songs.. hahaha..

anyway, dear Li min was starving so off we went to Pasta Mania.. the mushroom soup was super horrible.. it should be called Cream of Cream instead.. dam tasteless.. yucks.. usually when u go to a restaurant u will ask for the soup of the day.. and on most occasions when they say Cream of Mushroom or Cream of Chicken u will get it cos this two soups are the best... but then.. things don't really turn out for the best at all times.. hahaha...

we then headed to Batam where she wanted to buy slippers... there wasn't any of her size but she messaged me to tell me that she went bedok and she got it.. hahaha.. good for her.. she also went to cut her hair at Storm and being such a nice friend *ehem* hahaha.. I waited for her.. hahaha.. oh, we went to play at the arcade for awhile.. hahaha.. she just doesn't know when to give up.. hahaha...

met mummy and ai at the food court at TM my contacts came off.. darn.. had to hold it in my hand... forgot to bring my container.. haiz.. anyway, bought babies stuff.. hahaha.. can make them all nice and good smelling.. then can provide more tender loving care.. hahaha...

came home and watch TV.. as usual.. avoiding my bedroom.. hahaha.. tommorrow no school.. yipee.. long long holiday.. what should I do.. hmmm... this is the crucial weekend.. hahaha.. hope I can past through it in a breeze ba.. hahaha...

I am going to perform magic.. hahaha.. or rather I hope I can.. :P

hahaha.. I said TENDER LOVING CARE 7 times... hahaha.. cannot blame.. I really want TENDER LOVING CARE.. but only from one person... can u provide it.. :P

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:07 PM

hey hey.. its been 3 days since I last start school... alot of things to update and stuff.. sorry la... I abit lagging so din get to blog about it till now.. but well, better late then never right.. hahaha...

by the way, for those who actually manage to read the entry before this (the one with the big red ugly word in the centre), please pretend that you saw that entry is some other person's blog and is nothing that concerns sweet gentle me... hahaha... that entry will not and shall not be discussed or revive.. so the best advice.. forget about it...

this blog has been so far filled with so many happy moments..happy pictures and lots of love and happiness in it.. so lets not tarnish this wonderful beautiful blog with ugly stuff and stupid entries... thos sort are mean for my diary... hahaha...

yup.. I'm a crazy girl.. hahaha... in the past I had 2 diaries.. two or 3 blogs... hahaha... and they all were from different websites...I remember I had one from secretdiary.com or something like that... another from xanga.com and I think another from blogspot.. hahaha... blogging phrase... hahaha... but I have totally forgot about the address le.. those were like created and then forgotten.. hahaha... I then had one diary for personal where I really hid it and another which I shared with friends who wrote stuff in it.. sadly, I lost this diary.. sob sob.. alot of fond memories in it but well...

last year I had 3... I had a personal diary which wasn used much since I mainly blog onto my mulitiply account... then the other was one that was between me and dear.. hahaha... gave it to dear as a prezzie for v day... hee hee.. actually let on a secret... that diary was a rushed one.. hee hee.. most of the entries were not written on the day itself.. but hey.. at least must consider that I remember in detail those events and still able to record down ma.. hahaha.. so if Dominic sees this entry, please don't get mad yeah.. hahaha...

okok... side track too much.. need to get back to the focus of the day...

SENIOR YEAR!!!

hahaha.. yipee.. from a junior I became a freshie.. and from a freshie I am now a senior... hahaha... how cool is that... anyway, I am glad to be back at Tampines Campus... no more waking up super early.. no more MRT and change and the need to take two buses just to get to school.. hahaha... no more... so shiok.. plus, now got more people to see see and gian.. hahaha.. nah.. joking la.. I so guai.. only faithful to one person.. hee hee.. and even if I do see see, I will see in front of him.. hahaha... naughty me.. hahaha...

TP has also given me the luxury of more choices of food to choose from... yum yum.,. no more the same "cai fan" every day.. no more having to spend 8 bucks on subway.. hahaha... but of cos, the price that needs to be paid is the crowd.. the long queues.. having to find a table.. hahaha... but well, small matters to me.. hahaha...

well, I love my this year timetable... so slack.. mainly end early except Monday... some even start quite late.. hahaha.. the luxury to sleep late and wake up late.. or the extra time to meet up for projects... boo... hahaha.. but well, it can;t be help...

haven met my classmates yet... so far I got a gist of who is in my class but not full yet... so sad.. seperated from PNX2 gang and the CC.. sob sob... but well, no more ehem ehem.. hahaha.. for those who know me will know what I am talking about.. hahaha... at least me and Li min are in the same lecture group.. and me Xue Ting and Pei ling are in the same CDS class.. hahaha.. count me lucky...

have u ever been to just the introductory lecture and yet u already start to hate that subject... well, for those who haven done Business enterprise will not know what I mean... to me, its a stupid subject... I have no interest to be an entrepreneur so I have no understanding on why I have to this subject.. the lecturer is also too much... hen guo fen... school accepts the fact that we can skip twice without valid reasons and even if we have valid reasons, we need not be punished as those reasons are deemed by the school.. yet the irritating, unreasonable (see, I so guai, use non-vulgarities.. hee hee) and ridiculous lecturer claims that if we miss once, just once without a valid reason we will have to do a 500 word book report... and if we are absent 3 times, even if with valid reasons, we also have to do... nonsense.. that means I cannot fall sick la.. lame... sob sob.. and he is my tutorial teacher.. that means I have to see this irritating, unreasonable, ridiculous and lame person's face for 4 hours each week.. talk about excrutiating.. haiz..

but well, at least one lecture is conducted by Grace Chia which is a so much more better and interesting lecturer... the rest of the subjects are rather ok.. the Music CDS turns out to be rather fun. we get to listen to music, see videos and guess what.. it seems that at the end of the semester we may get to even create our own song.. hahaha.. fun fun...

today I sort of did not pay attention during lecture.. the best part was that I purposely crash this lecture so as to keep my Friday free.. ermz.. which sort of a bad choice at my current situation.. but anyway, doodle most of my time away.. the lecturer dam cute.. her hearing got problem.. we say one thing she say another.. and her English is "powdetful" considering she claims to have stayed in Melbourne for 2 years.. hahaha.. but ok la.. she is rather fun.. hahaha...

I got drench today... Singapore weather is so horrible.. I even had an umbrella.. yet no use.. my umbrella became an "u" instead on of a "n"... haiz.. lousy umbrella.. then I did not have my lunch.. my stomach was growling away.. had to beg steffi to give me sweet... so paiseh.. hahaha...

then wen I came home I became a TV freak.. I watch from 5pm all the way till 10pm.. my dinner was also in front of the TV.. hahaha.. lets see.. I watch Gilmore Girls from 5pm to 6pm... Oprah Show from 6pm to 7pm... then Romance in the City from 7pm to 8pm... then American Idol from 8pm TFH 9pm.. but I switch in the middle at times to Zhou Mo Wan Sui on Channel U... then I watch Undisclosed from 9pm to 10pm.. hahaha... eh.. I was sort of avoiding my bedroom for certain reasons..

well, anyway, thats basically the week so far back at school at my day activities.. got more la.. but then.. ermz... can't blog about it cos the matter is somewhat no final yet.. so guess that will go to my diary.. hahaha... anyway, I am going to work hard for 1 month.. after that...

beddy time for me.. hahaha... nite nite...

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:10 PM

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
2:47 PM

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
2:39 PM

agrhhh.. I am so so bored... there's nothing to do... sob sob

school starts next week... going to get My time table this Thursday... hope I change class... if not, hope can change group... another semester with that group and I will go nuts... don't need them to get my grades.. I will do just fine without them.. I hope...

last week of the holidays... sad... maybe... won't be so bored I guess.. I some what like school... it occupies my time and allows me to work on stuff.. stressful but still entertaining.. I guess the only bad side is that dear will be able to clear leave by then..haiz.. this time no fate... but never mind... I am sure we will manage our time... after all, he needs to find work to so I guess we will both be occupied...

Sunday wasn as great as I expected.. it was bring a friend day at dojo so I brought my dear there.. hahaha.. not exactly a friend but nevertheless I went... was quite confuse when we got there... did not know what to do... dad and kor said that there would be activities.. in then end there was done... Guang gave light to him while I received... since there was nothing much left to do, we took our leave...

dear was sick but he still manage to go.. so touch... he just wants me to be happy as I would want him to as well.. anyway, we headed to China Town... have not been there in ages.. actually, I never go there... even during Chinese New Year since I am mostly in Malaysia with my relatives... anyway, dear brought me to eat Bak Ku Teh.. something which his dad use to bring him when he was young... it was good... prefer a different type though.. shall bring dear to the one at Dojo to try.. superb.. hahaha... I think I ate too much... wanted to vomit after that.. but well, the feeling cleared after awhile..

China square was a rather let down.. nothing much unless you are those crazy model collector... there were so many different shops selling collectible items.. nothing caught my fancy too.. sob sob.... but it was a rather new experience... we manage to see what a flea market was about... hahaha...

we then headed back to Tiong Bahru and went to his place.. there was where the unhappiness appeared..

I have to admit at times I do find dear quite childish and I do tend to tease him about it by calling him "little boy"... but that's one thing that I like about him.. his carefree attitude and his way of making me happy... but to see him serious and everything is rather scary.. its not at I cannot stand it... I can.. at times I welcome that change.. but at times, I can't help but feel scared and insecure...

being different has its advantages and disadvantages... for example, there are more things to talk about, to learn and to share.. like from the one year with him, I have learnt so many different online games, fantasy books that I thought I would never read and many more... but then there are times when u will feel dam bored and just wish that he would stop gaming and concentrate o me..

but I wan him to be happy and I know that he is happy when he plays his games... but on the other hand, I am just like any girl who craves for the attention especially when she is very bored.. That's why misunderstanding occurs, tears shed and uncertainty develops...

I really wonder what will happen if I marry him.. will I also be so bored... what will I do... that sort of thoughts really scare me.. like that time the thoughts about his mum and me... is that sort of thoughts that make me wonder whether we can really work out and overcome the differences.. its that sort of thoughts that make me wonder how well I know my dear...

he had a right to be angry.. I am sorry about my behavior.. I'd carried it abit to far... but wen I am piss thats how I behave.. but still, nothing is more important than knowing that he still loves me and cares about me.. thats all that matters to me.. and I hope that I will never feel the same insecurities that I felt in the past...

yesterday wasn much fun as well... dear was sick with a bad cold and fever in and out... bought him lunch and took care of him... was supposed to head over for tuition but I cold not bear to leave him in this state.. so I postpone my tuition.. this won't happen once I officially start working.. I know my priorities.. right now my dear is my top.. tuition is only a way to get me money to buy stuff for myself as well as for dear.. I don't want to keep on feeding off my parents money especially in terms of material stuff.. but then it won't hurt if I did not have that money to spend... but I know it will hurt bad if my dear is sick and I am not there to tend to him..

fed him medicine, made him sleep and cook for him.. plus kisses and hugs to boost his morale.. plus letting him play his games... one thing about him is that his games can make him forget whatever illness he has plus time management.. hahaha...

kept myself occupied with the television and my makeup case... I was glad that it was a Monday cos there were more shows o watch as compared to weekends...

after that it was good byes as he had to head back to camp as I did to home... missing him so much... tried calling him but his phone was off... haiz... though I like this familiarity of knowing where he is.. at times I wish that he was out and I could be by his side...

well, that day will be coming.. school won't hinder so much.. I will get my priorities right... I am not stupid to let a relationship spoil my future.. cos I know one thing, to have a future with him also means that I need to work hard to be able to get the house I want to be able to live with him...

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
1:39 PM

hey hey... the past few days were fun, good and happy days.. all worth remembering and all worth blogging down.. hahah...

been busy and quite tired to blog each day so i guess i will do so once through.. hahaha... lazy me..

Thursday 13th April 2006

well, it was good friday yesterday so dear was able to book out on Thursday... i went to the dojo in the morning first... Kenny was not there.. hahaha.. sort of thought he will be since the last few weeks i've been there he was present.. i guess can't anticapate things.. hahaha.. usually when i anticipate it does not happen.. sob.. hahaha.. anyway, no biggie about Kenny.. hahaha..

after that i headed to Clementi since dear called to say that he was able to bookout early.. in the end i waited dam long before i could see him.. walk the entire are 3 times.. so boring.. wanted to scream.. i waited for at least 2 hours.. was even contemplating on going sing song first... think i made dear frustrated too.. sorry baby..

anyway, he finally came out.. he was carrying many things as he was preparing to ORD.. so we took a cab to his place.. after that we showed me his camp stuff.. hahaha.. see him so excited really make me few contented.. hahaha... don't know why.. dear has this sort of effect on me i guess.. hahaha...

after that we just watch shows or he played his game ect... we ordered KFC though.. i was rather hungry since i had not eaten anything the whole day... yum yum.. dear was so awful.. he finish the entire whipped potato without asking me whether i wanted.. sob sob... miscommunication.. hahaha...

anyway, he send me back to Tampines and was there with me at every commercial break.. hahaha.. my sweet dear.. had fun playing his PSP on the MRT.. Mid-night Club 3... its harder than Need for speed but rather fun.. hahaha.. guess i not use to it yet.. hahaha.. well i will get use to it.. eventually... lol...
Friday 14th April 2006

DNX 14 MONTHS!!!

Yeah... the day has come.. another month has pass.. yipee.. so so happy.. hahaha.. i was late though.. oops... time management fail.. lol... but well, atleast i am not so jia lat as some girls who can spent ages on their make up.. hahaha..

we met at City hall first.. then we made our way to Sun Tech... K BOX!!! so long never sing le.. hahaha.. we had fun.. sang many many songs... i sang with and without the singers.. overall it was fum.. dear was excited and eager to find his "voice".. ahaha.. he can change his voice to suit different singer... thats why we say that if he goes for competition surely get scolded...hahaha... dear left earlier... to get my "surprise".. hee hee. so so happy... he bought me two bolster.. one pig and one cow... and then a flower.. hahaha.. so so happy.. i love soft toys... hahaha.. i got him a girl pig for his present.. hahaha... to remind me of him.. hee..

we then headed to his place since there was nothing much to do... we saw Xue ting and Pei Ling.. so long never seen them.. hahaha.. well, i wasa going to meet them for dinner later anyway.. hahaha...

anyway, nothing much happen at his place... hahaha... he then send me to Changi Airport for my girl dinner while he headed to Marine Parade for his guy dinner... hahaha... our celebration was nothing fanciful or long, but i love every single minute of it.. hee hee...

metthe PNX2 gang.. yipee.. did not get to meet them through out the entire holiday.. in fact, i did not meet any of my poly mates except Steffi throughout the entire holiday.. hahaha.. anyway,we had dinner at Sakae Sushi.. yum yum... did not eat much though.. 4 girls, 21 plates.. hahaha... Pei Ling bought me a Bo lo pao from Crytal Jade.. very nice.. shall let dear eat one day.. we then headed to the viewing gallery to take pics.. i must say, they change the place alot.. not as nice.. cos the windows ae further from the planes... so the view was not good.. so sad.. i used to love that place.. anyway, it was fun taking pics..

we then took the sky train to T2 as XT needed to get something from NTUC, we then took 27 home.. each seperating.. short gathering but a fun one.. love those girls alot.. they are the once pulling me through poly.. plus steffi, li min they all too.. hahaha.. hope there are more gathering to come..

Saturday 15th April 2006

woke up rather late today.. luckily daddy woke me if not i would have been late for my tuition... anyway, headed to gice tuition.. nothing much happen.. it was a normal and usual session.. hahaha.. but at least my student is a good boy.. though he is reaching the age where guys think they are high and mighty and get rebellious.. hahaha..

headed home and help my parents clean the house.. genewally i clean my room and painted the ceiling.. my dad loves to paint.. he always chose weird timing to paint.. like today.. mummy was already so stress and he decided to paint.. hahaha... after that i help to cut some of the ingredients, fold the blankets, cover the pillows and cuisions.. and then it was off to get dear.. was suppose to bring him go makan since my mum did not cook much.. mum was so paiseh.. she felt bad that dear had to go out and eat more.. hahaha.. say she will make up to him.. hahaha

we went to get some ingredients and then bought some stuff for dear to eat.. went home and started to prepare my dessert but we had to head back to NTUC since more cheese was needed for the pizza... i did not even had time to shower..

dear played with the babies.. he so love my boys.. hahaha.. what to do, they are well trained and are so cute and likeable.. hahaha... well, it came with a price... time and paitience.. hahaha...

we then had the ceromony and then had dinner.. yum yum... hahaha... always enjoy home cook food.. hee... then i went to ave a shower.. gave dear light and receive too.. hahaha.. i did get better at the game.. hee hee.. manage to race at get first without having to restart... so so happy.. hahaha...

love it when dear comes over.. i don't mind going to his place but at times he come over i feel so happy.. so contented.. a least my family accepts him.. :)

well, overall it has been a great past few days.. though i din get to go to the zoo, i still had loads of fun.. hope many more fun days to come..

loving my life, my dear, my family and my friends... :) :)
p.s pics will be uploaded another time since i haven taken all the pics...

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:26 PM

its great to be Able to wake up to a brand new day, look at your handphone and be able to see a sweet message.. its the first thing u see and it warms your heart... that my boyfriend alright.. hee hee.. his message to me was:
"Dear, see your message... so sweet... I wish to last always with you... Hugs... Love u lots..."

short but so full of meaning.. Don't u think.. Some may think that it nauseating.. haha... too bad for them.. I guess when they finally found their true love and experience it for themselves then they will be able to understand.. hee hee...

dear will be ORDing soon... he can clear leave by the end of this month and by June he will be a free man.. free from the Government of course... he will start to find a job and then eventually go and further study with enough income to spare...

where will I be? I will be in school for another year... but in September I will be going off for attachment.. so in the sense we both can experience working life together and see where it takes us..

I'm not really looking forward to this new change.. this new experience.. I guess I'm just use to this schedule of going to camp and everything.. I guess in a way I feel safe.. all guys with no distractions... it may seem that I am selfish but I have my reasons..

dear has been with guys for 12 years... the only break was 3 years of poly life... and from what I heard, those 3 years were exceptionally fun for him.. quoting him

"I change gf like underwear"

it was only till me that he really settle down and be a one-girl man... I am happy.. I have seen how he is willing to change for me.. things are different from before and I am able to find myself trusting him easier...

I tend to ask alot but I hope he will understand that I only ask cos I am curious.. I want to get to know him better.. understand him better.. and thus questions that my seem probing into his private space are asked...

trust.. thats a big word.. but is also an element where it is needed in every relationship... in 2004 f u had ask me how much I trust him.. I would have replied with all my heart... in beginning 2005 if u had ask me.. I would have said not even an ounce.. at the end of 2005, not more than an ounce... now if u ask me.. I trust him.. plain and simple..

I don't trust him like how I use too.. but I guess its enough for me to know that he needs time with his friends.. both guys and girls.. I'm scared of the new change cos it would mean a new environment.. with new girls and more interaction that cannot be help.. I am scared that he realise I am not the one or find someone better than me.. maybe thats why I constantly want to change myself for him...

but overall, I need to trust him.. I will trust him... he trusts me so much and its only fair that he receives the same amount or even more from me.. changes are never easy... problems may occur and everything may seem unsettled.. but I'm hoping that'd will pull through.. after all, we have pull through in more difficult times and changes...

I hope that he gets a good job with good working environment and wonderful colleagues... not too wonderful though till they distract him.. hahaha... everyone is not born selfish.. they just need to learn how to let go.. I guess I too need to let go... I don't want to let go my love for him.. but to let go someone u love I guess is a way to show them the depth of your love for them...

seriously, he is not my first love... but to me he is.. he is the one who is able to capture my heart.. with no reason at all... fate brought us together and I hope that fate will continue to let us stay together...

each part of my house hold memories of both of us... each part of Singapore being it the East, West, Central holds wonderful stories of us... and I hope that these stories and memories will be part of my life forever.. I hope that more wonderful memories and stories can be built.. not only between both of us but with my kids and family too.. not only in Singapore, but in the whole world too..

I love Dominic Huang... I hope he loves me too... may this relationship be my first.. and hopefully...

my last.. :)

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:41 AM

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:34 PM

yipee.. i had a great day as well as a great day today... my partner of crime: none other than my darling bf, Dominic Huang Jian Quan.. :)

woke up rather late today.. had a good nights rest.. then laze around on the bed for awhile before going for my shower and getting prepareed to leave.. was suppose ot him at 1230 at Tiong Bahru but i was rather late..

we went to get our tickets from the AXS machine... "ICE AGE 2" 1430 AT Golden Village Great world.. my facourite cinema.. hee hee..

anyway, we went walking around Tiong Bahru Plaza first.. mainly spent time at the comic shop as dear wanted to get his new game.. he bought "Midnight Club 3" for his PSP... racing game.. rather fun though i'm still getting thehang of it.. he was so sweet.. he wanted to get his other games but he new that this game i would be able to understand and play while the others i won't be interested.. he cares about me so much.. hee hee.. he also wanted to buy me something.. it was either a sweet dispenser or a water dispenser.. hahaha... both dam cute and dam interesting.. but then i din wan it in then.. hopefully something else would have caught my attention..

hahaha.. actually something or rather somethings did.. hee hee.. we went to More than Words and i saw this huge My Melody soft toy.. so dam big and cute.. was also rather attracted to the Baby Bugs Bunny that was there too... so nice to cuddle.. but nothing beats than cuddling my dear.. hahaha..

we then took the bus to Great World... its been so long since i last went there.. months ago... it was even last year... we went to see the pet shop.. the white swimming hamster we saw the last time was gone.. but i think she or he left a kid behind.. hahaha.. the hamster look exactly like Xan.. then it was swimming.. backstroke to be exact... it will crawl to the front, fall on his back and wriggle for a while on his back then turn back and crawl.. he reapted it over and over again.. hahaha.. dam cute...

we then went to get our popcorn and in the end i manage to pyscho dear to get Nachos too.. hahaha.. so long since i had them both so much enjoy.. can't remember the last show i watch with dear..




















the movie was quite good.. stil had a barrel of laughs.. haha.. the squirrel and his stupid acorn.. but it was the squirrel that save the day.. hahaha.. there alot of kids in the cinema.. mostly foreign.. the best past was that the seats are dam comfortable and they are lover seats so i could cuddle up to my dear throughout the show..

after that it was mainly walking around and then back to Tiong Bahru for dinner... then we headed to his place.. dear said something dam sweet..

"i am glad that i have you.. I am glad to have you as my Girlfriend.. i love you"

and that was followed with a hug and a kiss on my forehead.. hee hee.. was rather stun.. out of the blue.. so i din really react.. but deep down i was so so so happy to hear those worda cause i know that they are said from deep down inside his heart...

he is now back at camp.. sob sob... missing him so much already.. can't wait to be in his arms.. he is the best thing that i can wish for.. love him loads...

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
11:20 PM

hey hey... watch a great movie today... an addition to my list of favourite movies... this may seem like a comedy but it more than that... much much more...

it talks about relationships... about getting approval of parents especially in the case where the girl is black and the guy is a white... two totally different people with totally nothing in common but totally in love and do not care about the reaction from the rest of world...

its a really very nice, funny and touching show.. even though I was like dam tired and was already sleeping, I still woke up to watch this.. great show... 5 stars man...

anyway, side track for awhile.. I went to dojo for ceremony today.. supposedly to meet dear at 830 at aljunied but in the end I was the one who was late... thought that I would be quite tired since I only had a mere one hour of sleep but I wasn't till the later part of the day...

anyway, the ceremony was alright.. nothing special except for the change in structure, people and roles... but alas, my dad's position is still secure... hahaha... Anyway, this ceremony was rather fun as me and dear did not talk to each other... We practically just use dear's handphone and type messages to one another... hahaha... I think we had over 10 SMS.. hahaha.. Dam cool.. Its a great way to pay more attention to what each other is trying to communicate... Of cos, our topic was rather boh liao... more on what re the plans for the month ahead and also other "interesting" topics which dear and me will only know.. hahaha...

after that had to wait ages for my parents to get ready.. We just stood at a corner and talk.. after that my family and dear headed to this Hong Kong restaurant for a delicious Hong Kong meal.. very nice... had fun talking to my siblings too.. it was an enjoyable meal.. hee hee..

we then headed to Bugis to get hamster stuff and had a walk to Funan... on the train, dear told me about the time where his mum came home dead drunk and almost killed him.. I guess after hearing that I was rather freak out and thus was lost in thought for quite some time.. but I really did not know how to react.. I mean its freaky.. Anyway, we saw cheers and I was able to get 4 boxes of the delicious biscuit that my brother intro.. We then headed to Funan to look at books..

while waiting for the bus, I had fun learning how to count in Hokkien.. I totally cannot speak in any dialect.. so it was rather fun to learn...

1. It
2. Ji
3. Sa
4. Si
5. Gou
6. Lap
7. Qi
8. Bei
9. Gau
10. Zhap

haha.. not sure about the spelling but the pronunciation is somewhat like that.. Hundred is Bai and thousand is Cheng.. hahaha... dam fun... I think I can say in Japanese much better la.. hahaha..

1. Ichi
2. Ni
3. San
4. Yon/ Shi
5. Go
6. Rokku
7. Nanna
8. Hachi
9. Ku
10. Ju

but it was rather fun.. hahaha.. at least now I can understand better when my parents talk about monetary stuff in Hokkien.. hahaha... Anyway, we went to his place and I watch the repeat of campus superstar and then we watch "Big Mama House" funny show but rather touching too.. then I got rather cranky and moody as the tiredness started to kick in.. I fell asleep but in the end woke up and watch "Guess who"

I guess I can really put myself and dear in the movie and the situation.. We may be of the same race but we are definitely different.. but what the guy said was very true..
"By loving someone you will then know what is the meaning of feeling whole.. You may think that you are already whole but when u loose that person, it will never feel the same again.. Part of you is missing..."

not the exact words but the gist is more or less.. When dear is not beside me, I really do feel part of me is missing.. I do feel lost and I don't feel whole.. but when he is beside me, he need not hold me but I am able to look at him, I feel so happy and so fulfilled.. I feel different and that sort of feeling is not the same for every other person..

so I come to a conclusion that he is important to me.. He is my other half.. He is hopefully my future.. He is the guy I have truly fallen in love with.. His kisses and embraces can never be compared to any other person..

a great relaxing and enjoying Sunday.. this only shows that, a great date does not require much finances..

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:55 PM

Its 150am and yet I don't feel tired or the need to go and sleep... hahaha... I need to wake up in a mere 5 hours time to get ready to head to dojo for Monthly Thanks Giving Ceremony.. hahaha... there I said it..

must be wondering what I mean by the above sentence yeah... well, its very rare of me to talk about my religion stuff.. esp to my friends... which leads to why I usually don't state it in my blog as well... since if other people do read they might get curious, start to ask questions and I will be like a fool and don't know what to say... hahaha...which is quite funny...

i'm not really very shy when it comes to meeting people for the first time... it really depends on my mood... overall, I do like to interact with people.. I guess that's why I am in my current course.. Hospitality and Tourism Management.. and for those who are unsure the nature of this course, I do not deal with patients at a "Hospital"... rather, "Hospitality" means "Hotel"..

back to m religion stuff... I sort of "drop out" from it or as I rather put in "inactive" at the present moment... I guess I have come to an age where I start questioning stuff and start to conquer up my own believes and thoughts..

many may feel that its because of my relationship with dear that has cause the stray in my practice and stuff.. but that's not the whole truth... I do admit there is some truth to it...

dear currently is in NS where He only comes out on Fridays and books in again by Sunday.. that does not leave much time for me to be with him or for him to have his own plans... Dojo stuff tends to fall on weekends and so... well, people are intelligent creatures and should be able to piece everything together...

but like I say, that is only part of the reason... I feel that the whole concept has change into something like school... where everything is so strict and there is no freedom... Its like, the joy which I experience when I was younger has totally gone...

I remember the good old days where the gang will meet up, go to Dojo to exchange light and afterwards head out for movies, meals or just to hung out... I look forward to every activity and wish for weekends to faster come.. even if I was dating, I would rather be at Dojo then to be in school or out with my bf or other friends..

I guess maybe is because we are growing up and the bond that we all once shared is not as strong... Especially since I headed to Polytechnic instead of flowing to path to JC and thus the split... but then, there is really nothing much for me to talk to them about... Its like everything is so different...

sometimes I do question myself.. is there God... why am I in this religion... does God really protect me... I do believe though that there is someone out there protecting me.. but these questions are some random things that will pop into your head and will start to wonder.. I guess one phrase from a movie "Santa Clause" is rather true..

"Seeing is believing, believing is seeing"

if u believe u really naturally see it... but at times if u can't see u also will not be able to believe... I guess because I have not really experience any miracles or deep awakenings that's why my fate is not as strong as my parents...

I do thank God for allowing me to be alive and healthy and that all those I love are still around... especially Dominic... maybe my relationship with him is the miracle.. we definitely went through so much even if we just pass slightly more than a year...

but I do wish my parents were not so strict with me.. Sometimes is hard to open up to them cause in the end they will just refer everything back to God... Sometimes I just wish that they will see things in the world respective, in the reality respective, in mine respective... I guess that's why my relationship with my parents was never stable at all..

being D.D.D daughter really has the pressure... u are well watch by everyone and one move will be known to all.. that gives me even less freedom to do what I wan.. is like everyone is watching you... if u do something wrong u will feel even worse than ordinary cause I am D.D.D daughter and so if I did wrong means my dad didn't teach me or whatever... is like, I have to not only be aware of how I may be affected but also how my dad will be in his position..

sometimes I wonder what will it be like in a normal status family... how different things may be... I don't know.. I guess I was born in this family with this status for a reason...

I guess everything boils down to one word "Fate"... like me and dear.. if I had stayed on in JC, I most probably would not have know him and would not be able to have 1 year of glorious memories with him...

but you know.. sometimes u just wish... wish wish wish... do u think wishes come true???

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
1:50 AM

In my last post I wrote:

"I just want to be promoted to "Mrs Huang" by the next 6 years at least... hee hee... wishful thinking?? I hope not.. cross my fingers"

and now.... I have no idea whether I really want to be Mrs. Huang...

I am freaked out..

I should be happy that his mum ask me to marry her son and that we is confirm plus chop le.. but then its really too freaky.. I do dream and hope to be Mrs. Huang but still I am rather too young to get married yeah.. I often tell dear that his mum does not seem to like me and after hearing all these from her who also asked me to stay at their place which was not what she said last week I should be happy and at ease.. but I'm not...

I have never been near to a drunk person before... Not counting myself.. but then to be so close and to see clearly their actions and the way they speak was a total new experience for me...

I know this is not her first time.. And this is not really my first encounter with her like that... but then imagine if I marry dear and we stay together with his mum... Boy... I don't know what to do with that thought...

she does not speak English and her Chinese can be said to be worst then mine... So far what we communicate is really super basic Chinese and there is usually uncle or dear to help translate if needed... but imagine if me and her alone in the house... I don't think I can even speak to her in at least 10 sentences...

plus she is so fussy and uptight about cleanliness and stuff.. Even hamsters small things will also make a huge fuss... Imagine if I want a dog once I get the finances... How will she tarhan... I mean its good to be clean but then to overdo it is a total different thing...

then I cannot imagine letting my parents meet her... Its like put my mum and his mum side by side is like seeing an apple and a durian... total different taste, look, personality and character.. not implying who is what... already hat time I told my parents that his parents were divorcee, my parents sort of freak out...

its not that they really got anything against divorcees, but my parents are just too pure and straight le.. well, who can blame them... they fell in love during college and were the first for both parties... Even after my dad came to study in Singapore they still kept their relationship going and eventually married and had 4 kids... Its like first love, true love and pure love...

although my parents are more slack about me and dear, they still occasionally put in that I can find someone better and blah blah blah... but I guess all parents are the same...

but me and dear's mum... I really can't see the future... Even now I think she having one of those "moments" where she is drunk and starts thinking about dear's father and starts to get upset and everything... if that happens what am I going to say or do... I can't even communicate with her...

I have nothing against her, that's one thing I must make clear... she is a nice lady who really dotes on her son and wants him to be happy... she takes care of me too.. buying me food and treating me to stuff.. but I really can't see the long run...

I'm totally freak out.. I don't now what to think or react.. I'm scared..

maybe I am thinking too far or in too deep.. maybe I'm just being paranoid... I hope I am... I really hope for a future with dear... I want to carry his children,go to work and come home to my family of my loving husband, my kids and my dog.. I want to climb into bed with him, hug him tight and wake up to his familiar scent and warm embraces.. I wan to walk my dog with him, see our children grow up and worry about what my kids will be like...

I wan a future with him... but I don't know whether I wan a future with his mum too... I know it will be selfish to just have him.. after all, I am loving her only son and the only person she has left... but I really can't... agrhhh...

guess is one day at a time.. one step at a time... hopefully things do work out.. if not, I guess its really time for me to give up on what I hold dear... it will be painful... I have put in alot in this relationship... all my other relationships combine... but I guess if its not meant to be then its time to say "goodbye"... hope that day does not come... I pray that it won't come... one day at a time..

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:54 PM

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
11:22 PM

hahaha... from one blog to another... from one address to another... isn't it time to stop?? hahaha... well, i did not ask for it man... its not my fault that multiply now SUCKS!!! oops... first entry and already so vulgar... must control.. but truth to be told.. multiply really got problems.. thought that it will be my last and permenant blog xiangzhen.multiply.com but who knows... suddenly unable to load pictures onto the blog.. so saddening... plus since i'm not good at all the html stuff i have no idea how to fix it... for that matter, my this blog will just have to stay as it is.. unless god someday gives me the brains for all the IT shit.. hahaha.. which i really doubt so so since i am truely an IT no brainer... sob sob and to think people said i was an intelligent girl... hee hee


anyway, back to blogspot ba... was asking dear whether i should choose blogspot or xanga.. wasn t keen on blogspot since

1. cindy is also using blogspot
2. i am not good at desining and recreating all the HTML stuff
3. still quite attach to my multiply account

so i thought and thought and was really going to consider using either friendster blog or xanga when i reason out to myself

1. heck cindy since she isn't the only one and why should i blood* H**l cares what she may think
2. even if i do use friendster blog or xanga, i won't suddenly become an IT genius so what difference will it make
3. Multiply su*** so its time to move on

i will still log onto my multiply account though.. need to ensure that it won't dissapear... after all, there are many wonderful memories in that blog so there is a need to cherish them...

however, i am still contemlating on whether should i publicized announced the change of my blog... hmmm... if i wan i can just post an entry on my other account to let people know or i can write in my MSN nick or state in somewhere in my friendster profile... but then, the last time i publicized announce my blog it created alot of unwanted attention and gossip... but then seriously, i dun really care about the gossips...whats important is that those around me who care and love me and vice versa knows the true me and can differentiate fact and fiction is good enough... well, guess we will see how ba...

anyway, today was a rather sian and boring day... nothing interesting happen unless u count me thowing tantrum at dear... hahaha... ok.. i admit.. rather childish but hey, i had my reasons... i was rather dissapointed and miffed at him... he was scared i scold him so he lied to me.. but then he should be even more scared when i find out that he lied to me.. then i actually wanted to meet him after he books out and give him a nice big tight hug... but since he was already at home... how can i se de make him come out when he he is comfortably at home... he did voluunteered to come find me, but then i will feel dam bad and horrible.. so much for fate... haiz... oh well, really need to change about me and my tantrums... must be more mature le.. later dear cannot tarhan and pang seh me... will cry my heart out.. most prob will then die from dehydration.. cross my fingers, hope that doesn happen...

anyway, going to give tuition tommorow... dear is supposedly to cycling with cedric and alex in the late afternoon... dear wants to meet me after their cycling expedition... felt quite sad actually... is not about keeping him to myself... i have no qualms about letting him go out with his friends... but then i though we already had plans... maybe my wishful thinking ba... i dun wan to meet him after cos i feel that since he is alreay spending the late afternoon, he might as well have dinner with them rather then come and meet me... well, hope he goes, i don' t want his friends to think that i am such a hogging gf... bad reputation...

whats the worst thing about going back to school for the next semester... dear is going to clear his leave which means no more army... sob sob... really no fate... i am srt of looking forward of returning to school... rather borring holiday this time round... but then to hear that he wll be clearing leave... so darn dissappointed... but well, is time for him to look for a job and get to work... maybe things will turm out even better for us..

i'm giving us 6 months... if within the 6 months the relationship is rather smooth sailing and everything works out i say my future with him is rather secured... if not then i guess is time to say goodbye and wish the best for each other... i m being optimistic... i really hope things do work out.. we've been through so much and its only been pass a year.. but it is going to be the real turning point and real test once he starts work... new environment, new schedule... practically everything will be new.. i just hope that he won't have a new gf.. thats my position... i just want to be promoted to "Mrs Huang" by the next 6 years at least... hee hee... wishful thinking?? i hope not.. cross my fingers

a rather long post for my first one in my newly created blog... hope everything will turn out find and may my relationship with Mr. Huang will last..

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:34 PM