Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
11:07 PM

1. compile finish DPD report
2. Do my presentation for e-biz
3. write or at least finalise what i am going to present in less than 13 hours time
4. Go through OB presentation

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
12:48 AM

i am nuts... or rather i am going nuts... dam...

been screaming, shouting and ranting on like a mad person... even my parents also dun want to bother about me... then i started singing to console myself... but i think even my choir conductor will banned me and curesed me to hell for the super horrible bad singing la...

then my dear brothers tot that iwould feel better to drive car and start speeding.. cos i have a thing for racing car games... so they passed me "Crazy Taxi" in an attempt to stop the horrible singing and the shouting and ranting...

they succedded but made me more crazy...

they succeeded cos i did shut up... i did stop the blasting music and i did stop the singing and the cursing... and in return theygot the saddist and angry me...

istarted out by pickinh up passengers andramming them into buildings, cars... then i decided not to fetch people and just speed around... in the end i got more angry and more pissed and more sadist that i tarted to purposely slam into people esp crowds to her them scream and curse back at me.. then i bang into cars and more people.. i force the car into the sea and stated driving underwatr in an attemp to drown... but did not succeed... so i decided to purposely head into the railway track... i purposely drove in te opposite direction and waited for the trains to crash into me...i continued on like this for a whole 10 mins...

and now.. i am feeling much better.. hahaha.. so in a way my brothers did succeed... they were dam scared at me though when they saw my driving... ahaha.. they must be pitying dominic.... hor dominic...

now the reason why i am so angry... go ask dominic... if he dun wansay then too bad... can't ask y family cos they only know abit here abit there from my ranting and nonsensicle stuff that i mumbled to myself...

the reason why i dunwant to write here is becos.. i so want to forget it man... forget that wtoday never existed... then i think i will be able to save my sanity and my physicalwell-being..

i wanted go and run at the park to vent my frustrations.. but y parents forbid me to do so.. the last time which was thursday i went out vent, i did not came home till around 1am.,, so they abit paranid about me...

i miss my bicycle... i saw some people cycling and roller blading under my block when i reached home... makme feel like getting... good way to vent frustrations as well as slim down...

actually hor... should get more angry... then maybe vessel burst... than all my fats come out... today never eat dinner... again.. my poor stomach... to bad... when i am emotionally unstale like that de... i think my stomach use to it le.. hahaha...

dam.. i sound dam sadist... super horrifying.. dominic scared ma? hahaha...

should i get a bike or rollerblades... sall think about it and maybe consult daddy...

saddist signing off

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:22 PM

hey hey... I just came back not too long ago.. actually quite long la... the journey from my place back to dear place.. hee hee... should know wat that means yeah...

haha... dear dear came my place today.. yipee.. he brought my toy back.. now can ply with my siblings le.. hahaha... then dear dear wun complain that the toy not in use... hahaha... its very very fun... going to buy sweets and put in... but then, got scolded by my parents.. they say waste money... but then fun ma... aiyah... bought it a few months back le.. at that time me and dear dear both got money ma.. now we know must control le.. hee hee..

anyway, dear came over for a movie... my dad's treat.. hee hee.. cos daddy know me and dear dear currently low on our finances... so he decided to treat us a movie... finally got to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean"... yipee... very very nice...

daddy bought us popcorn which came with ice-cream... yum yum... but of cos the best part was to be able to cuddle close to dear dear.. he had his arms around me the whole show... so nice.. so warm.. so xing fu.. hahaha... but then got an incident happen.. dear dear.. should I say it out loud.. hahaha... anyway, it was an accident la.. but still, it was rather shocking and surprising... maybe will tell another time.. right now, it will be my family and dear's dear's secret... shhh... hahaha...

anyway, we then headed to eat at food court.. cos it was rather late and dad needed to go home and prepare some stuff... anyway, me and dear dear got to eat the steam rice thingy after so long... very very long never eat at that store..cos its rather expensive... haha.. but we got our fair share.. ordered two sets... yipee.. so full..

these few days haven been eating properly.. no appetite... like today... dad bought my favorite dishes for lunch... but I coldn eat half of the packet of food.. in the end gave to my bro to eat... even my favorite egg lei..sob sob.. then just now also not really hungry.. gave dear more then half of my rice... but good la.. hee hee.. can jian fei..then become pretty pretty.. then make dear dear happy happy...

feeling so bliss an xing fu now.. hai.. how I wish this feeling can last forever.. its like the calm sea after a huge storm... my family and dear will know what I mean.. but at least its over... maybe got two more weeks of roughness but I will jia you de.... as long as dear dear, my family and friends believe in me, will be able to do it...

I just realise that 4 more weeks and exams will have reached... that means the end of the semester... so dam fast la... its like where has all the time gone too.. hmm... been so busy that din realise how time flies... already its going to be August... a mere 5 months and we will reach 2007... I will be doing attachment le.. aiyo.. so fast...

but fast is good too.. it means another moth and another month of being with dear dear... we celebrated our 1 year 5 months just 2 weeks ago... had steamboat at Bugis.. yum yum... so so happy l.. able to eat, talk, laugh and cuddle him.. got burnt though.. bu xiao xing... now I am scarred le... dear dear scar me le.. so I am his forever.. muhahaha...

I am in such a good mood... hee hee... cos I also got allowance le.. yipee... got money le.. dun feel so broke.. but still need to use wisely... hee hee....

k la.. shall end here.. I realise got so many things never blog... so many pics to load.. but I m in a good mood... and I want to basked in my good mood instead of loading pic and typing with two fingers.. lol... take care.. byebye

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
11:28 PM

hey hey.. its been a long time since i last blog a proper entry.. hahaha... anyway, lods has happen within a short span of 13 days... there is never a dull moment in my life de.. hahaha..

anyway, been busy with school work so i have not been able to blog properly... compiling two major projects for my group so thus need extra time.. Business Enterprise idea had to e change 4 days before submision as after analysis we realise the idea will not work... there are just to many competitors... people may be surprise that Singapore is a small country but seriousl, we have alot of stuff in Singapore... it shows that a small dot is not wht it may seem...

anyway, the new idea is not really creative.. its something that its already in the market and its doing rather well now... but like Mr. Tan say, everyone eat bread the last time but still breadtalk came out and became so famous... same same.. going to put in extra effort in the reort and presentation to earn te creativity marks.. hope all goes well.. hahaha. and by the way, i not saying the idea cos as promise to mymates, we should keep t a secret till its over.. hahaha..

anyway, these few days i have not been going o school.. hahaha.. clearing leave ma.. hahaha.. yesterday i did and today as well.. catching up on my rest and sleep cos i know tonight and tml i will be busy copiling stuff for submission on Thursday.. nvm.. jia you this few days then can le.. then the next one will be next week.. i wun be doing the presentation so i can use the time to catch up on my individual assignments.. hae quite abit to do.. plus also need to prepare for the up coming exams.. stress stress... hahaha

so far my results have been rather good.. average As and Bs student.. yipee... not DHL material but oh well.. actually i am glad that i am not DHL... seems like HTM DHLs have a bad name to them.. they are acadmic great but other than that... hmmm.. hahaha... anyway, its base on people's perception.. so far mine is mixed.. cos i know of some DHLs who are so different from others...

well, at least my parents are please... they were quite skepticle o me joining HTM... cos this course is hard to further studies in Singapore.. plus, he irregular nights and working hours may be tough on me.. but oh well, they should be rest assured that new university offering my course is coming.. and even not, i can take on another course... maybe accounting... after all its n my blood.. i also intent to work first togain experience... its going to be hard on my paents and i definitely want to lessen their burden... cos they love me so much... hee hee..

anyway, i love my group mates nd everything is going on fine.. we have been supportive to one another... esp Geraldine and Joyce who have help me overcome so many problems... those two are the greatest.. i am so glad to be able to know them even though its only a semester... thanks alot girls...

did anyone go to the Hokiado fair? it was at Tampinese for at least 10 days... it was dam god.. i think my family spent more than500 bucks at that fair la.. hahaha... earnbig bucks man Isetan.. hahaha... cannot help.. one crab is already close to 90 bucks.. than my family bought at least 3... hahaha... cos i like ma.. then my parents teng their children.. hee hee... we also bought snacks ar.. other seafood... cheese... cake... alot la.. hahaha.. so so nice.. yummy.. their seafood is good.. so was their cream ice cream... yum yum.. thank God they only come once a year... if not, not only will grow fat but will go broke as well de... hahaha...

Celebrated mummy birthday not long ago... we bought a HP for her.. it was also her mother's day present.. hahaha... the phone is her new bao bei now.. and is my bro toy... he use it moe than my mum does.. hahaha... but still, glad that she is happy... love her loads....

anyway, this entry is mainly about school stuff and y family.. hahaha... for more details on other aspects of my life, read on the next few entries ba.. hahaha... take care.. ciao ^_^

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:42 AM

this is going to be just a short note to someone... cos i am like dam sleepy and tired la... this few days have been busy doing research and some problems so i haven got a proper sleep in like 4 days la...

anyway, this note goes to Ms Cindy Lee Jing Yi... in courtesy that u use my full name i shall be polite and use urs as well..

anyway, being sleepy and tired, i just got one thing to say... WHATEVER...

u wanna wrtite about me go ahead... u want to rant about my bf, be my guess... its ur blog, its ur thinkng.. i already admitted that i do read ur blog for entertainment purposes just like i read other people blog as well... so dun think u are anything special..

since u put stuff for people to try, i find it no harm todo so myself.. anyway, u shoud know full well who my crush is.. hahaha..

so say wadeva u want, do wadeva u wan... just make sure u dun go overboard ya.. cos everyone has their imit de...

okie... i am off to singmy dear dear to sleep le... update another day... ciao...

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
12:43 AM

haiz... cant think of titles for entries le.. hahaha... nothing specific... hahaha..

anyway, dun mind my previous entry.. i am alright le.. thanks for the care and concern... i would have deleted the entry but then it really reflected how i felt at that point in time.. hahaha.. must show show my soft and emotional side as well ma.. lol..

anyway.. i went to dear's place today... bought for him lunch and help him clean his room.. then i basically fell asleep in his arms.. hahaha.. tired la.. but ok la.. seeing him makes me feel much better.. at least able to hug him and feel him close... it really help.. hahaha.. i am such an easy girl to please.. lalala..

i then went to the national library at Bugis... alot of books lo.. too bad cannot borrow.. i mean the reference books.. then i had to hotocopy it myself.. so leichei.. got so any things to photocopy.. haiz.. got 3 projects in all ma.. so of cos got alot of info.. anyway, will go again.. i haven finish researching.. hahaha... and the place is a great place to study.. so quiet.. but the sad part s that the reference area cannot bring bag in.. actually, cannot ring anything la.. notes, bag, pencil box, water bottle.. all must put in locker.. only can bring in blank paper and laptop.. dam.. must ask Geraldine how she does her work there.. she was the one who intro me those reference areas..

anyway, i came home after that and had dinner.. than i help to wash all the stuff that was use for dinner.. hahaha.. so guai hor.. my mummy was please.. so long nv been home ma.. a good thing abt dear working is that i dun snack anymore.. hahaha.. cos nothing to snack at home ma.. lol.. good good... hee hee...

anyway, pictures.. they speak louder than words anyway.. hahaha... enjoy..

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
10:18 PM

Memories of the past rush in my head as I sat on the floor, hugging my pillow tightly... Happy memories... The time when I got Don, till times we went to P.S. for movies... Dates.. Walks on the beach... The times we went to sing.. The time we got our babies... Christmas, new year, camps.. Many rides on the train where I lay on him and sleep.. Rides on the bus where we would tickle one another... The time at the dog farm where we gian for our dog.. Time at the swimming pool splashing and having fun... Happy memories just rush through my head...

yet, tears still fell down my face... Tears that could not be controlled.. That could not be withheld... These were happy memories.. Some not too long ago.. Some from 2004... Some just days ago.. Yet all these seem so far away.. All these memories seem like years and months ago..

then the mind switch.. And suddenly bad memories, sad thoughts, come in mind.. Arguments and quarrels.. Tears and harsh words said... From the time where I could only meet once a week.. To times of betrayal.. The time he broke up at Bugis.. How I got soak in the rain.. How under his void deck he told me that we shouldn carry on.. over the phone of how he wanted a break.. On the affair.. The words spoken by her.. Till times where he actually cried becos Wilson folded me a tissue flower..

tears continue to fall.. but this time with a deep aching pain in my heart.. Happy memories that were so recent seem so far away... Yet, those that were unpleasant and meant to be forgotten seem just like yesterday... The hurt, the betrayal.. The tears.. The words use seems like it was just a day or two where all these happen..

for so long, I just wish for a simple relationship... Nothing fancy.. Nothing elaborate.. He need not drive a car.. He need not be rich.. He need not pay for every single detail.. All I wanted is his love, his care, his concern.. His smiles and the way he makes me laugh.. Plus small little details like how happy he is that he is going to be able to meet me earlier.. Those small little actions... Small little words..

maybe I expected too much.. Maybe I should not expect.. But every girl has dreams and hopes... Dreams and hopes of meeting and being with that perfect someone.. The dream guy.. But no one is perfect in the world.. I know perfectly of that.. Yet, I still had expectations..

why when I try to explain things go wrong... Why when I try to be caring by asking things go so wrong... What is wrong.. Is it me? Why can't my wish for a simple relationship be granted... Why time after time I must go thru these heart aches.. Why must I shed so much tears..

after every argument, every wrong conversation.. I ask myself what went wrong.. Why things are like that.. Did I do something wrong.. I keep on wondering how to make it better.. Ways that will make this relationship to work out..

I dun know why his words hurt me so much.. Is it just me? Maybe.. I think.. But why.. He is the person I love.. It shouldn be like that..

there was a time when I tot I could just be the perfect girl for him.. Waking up early.. Going to his place.. Cook for him.. Take care of him when he was sick.. Bring him to the polyclinic when his leg was injured.. Sit beside him and watch him play games..

but why can't I be that same perfect girl now.. Why can't I just let go of my expectations.. Why can't I just follow and listen.. Just do anything to make him happy.. Cog overall when he is happy I am happy too... Why.. Why has things change so much.. I still sit and watch him play.. I still take care of him when he is sick.. So whats missing.. Or maybe whats the extra stuff going on.. Why am I having those expectations..

are we really so different.. Is our ideas and thoughts so contradicting.. Are we really so stubborn... Must we wait till the point where there is really no return..

I can't bear to break up.. I always say I want to but I can never bring myself too.. I care for him too much.. I always have visions of growing old with him.. Of being the mummy.. Of walking the dog.. I imagine us in our house.. Sleeping and waking up together.. I dun want to come to the point of no return.. But is there anything else that can be done..

am I really willing to change.. Can I really put aside everything to be the perfect girl for him..

I'm tired.. It hurts.. But I dun want to end.. I dun want things to come to an end.. I want t continue to share with my friends about me and him.. I want to continue to take pictures with him.. To go out on dates with him.. To cuddle, hug and kiss him..

but it really hurts.. I really dun know what to do.. I really dun know how much more I can take.. How much more he can take..

dear, must we really depend on fate... Must we really just see the time.. Is there really nothing we can do... I dun want to end with no turning back.. We have come so far in this relationship.. Are we really going to sit back and see fate.. Dear, will me being the perfect girl help... Is it the way to solve our problems..

dear, I miss u so much.. I so wish to hug u, to kiss u.. To just lie on ur shoulder and forget about anything.. I really am trying to adapt.. Please believe me.. Today had nothing abt u starting work.. But dear, wo xing zhen de hentong.. zhen de hen tong dear.. wo zhen de xiang bao ni.. wo zhen de xi wang wo ke yi gen ni zhang lao.. wo men ze mo ban?

God, help us please.. Please show us the way.. I really dun know what to do le.. I really want o be strong.. For him.. For us... Please help us.. Please..

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
2:44 AM

Lalala.. its not even 830pm and I am at home le.. hahaha.. actually, I have been at home since around 630pm.. hahaha...

boy was my mum please and happy.. hahaha... she was so happy to buy for me food.. hahaha.. its been so long since she did that for me le.. hahaha.. actually, its been like dam long since I reach home before 10 plus.. hahaha... I am such a good gal..

nah.. hahaha.. its only becos dear is working so boh bian.. have to come home.. sob sob... the last week I wasn at home la.. only came home to shower and sleep.. hahaha... cos been with dear.. so din really come home.. mummy was complaining how she never see me le.. hahaha.. well, at least I did not stay over right.. my bro did lo.. hahaha...

anyway, had a fun day today... hahaha.. I woke up at 0900.. then I fed my babies and played with them for half an hour... than I started to do my project stuff.. did till around 12pm... then I had lunch in front of the tv as I watch "Ambush Makeover"... then I washed up and prepared myself to go school..

coincidentally, I saw Geraldine at the bus stop.. apparently she was in the area.. so qiao.. well, we were both late la.. hahaha.. so my hp got bombarded with sms from the rest.. haiz.. when I am late everyone is early.. when I am early, everyone is late... haiz.. anyway, trena was also on the bus.. hahaha... I predicted correctly.. hahaha...

then we went school and discuss our business enterprise project.. discuss till around 3pm then went to the com lab.. cos everyone wanted to check their individual assignment grade.. I did not bad la.. hahaha... got a B+.. considering not many A in the entire cohort.. hahaha.. trying to make myself feel better.. lol... at least the whole group did well.. hahaha.. happy happy..

then we went for consultation... quite useful la.. hahaha... though stupid Mr. Tan still wun say whether our plan was good and feasible.. hahaha... then the rest of the group left while me a geraldine consulted Jackie Ong and Ms. Chia..

we then headed to the library and got books for the various projects.. we had to head over to the opposite of school to photocopy some stuff.. so I had to miss my lecture.. hahaha... excuses excuses...

it was before 5 la.. then the lady actually said could only be done the next day or at night.. I needed to return in 2 hours time since it was a reference book.. so in the end the aunty said by 630pm... dam.. hahaha..

anyway, me and geraldine headed to the hacker nearby.. she intro me this mango pudding desert.. it was delicious la.. hahaha.. and I intro her this pancake thing.. yummy yummy.. hahaha... we killed the time by just eating and talking about stuff.. come to think of it.. none of it was related to school.. hahaha.. except if u count secondary and primary school.. hahaha..

I had loads of fun talking to her lo.. there was so many things we could talk about.. and it was interesting... hahaha... love this girl loads man.. thank God I got to know her this semester.. hahaha... She is my pillar in school.. hee hee..

anyway, luckily we went to check... cos the thing was already done.. thank God.. so we paid and headed back to school..

I learn one thing today though.. some friendships cannot be mended and some people are just so dam _______... u fill in the blank...

was walking up the overhead bridge when I saw ST and WL.. since I saw them, I tot I just wave to them and smile.. in the end both pretended that I did not exist and just walk off... haiz.. next time dun be the good guy le.. in the end get this sort of attitude.. phew.. since they want like tt then all I can say that this friendship is over though it seems from when I told my friends that it did not even exist...

anyway, I just finish part of my work and tot of taking a break so here I am blogging.. anyway, its a way to let dear know about my days since we may not have alot of time to talk much le.. even over the phone.. so dear can read..

dear called me just now.. Apparently his cold got worst.. poor boy.. cant be there taking care of him... hear him also xing tong.. sob sob.. well, at least he is doing fine at his work place... hope all goes well.. miss him so much... can't wait to see him and give him a huge hug.. hahaha..

I shall proceed back to my work le.. hahaha... bye bye..

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
8:24 PM

haha... remember the scenario I painted in the third previous entry.. nope?? the one about him and the job... no clue?? haha.. I shall repaint the story again ba..

Monday to Friday.. Dear wakes up at about 12 or 1pm.. he will on his computer.. play abit of game.. if he wakes up late he will wake up and go shower.. then leaves his home to the nearby food court and have his lunch.. then he will take 57 and then change to I-dun-know-what-number bus and sit a few stops before reaching his work place... then he will work work work till 12am and then be sent home by the company transport.

that was the picture I painted.. okok.. now its abit more exaggerated abate expanded.. but well.. this picture will or is going to be officially reality... cos...

dear got the job..

hahaha.. now dun get this wrong.. I am happy for him.. truly.. he will be able to gain the experience that is so wanted in today's society... so I am happy.. but then.. sob sob... its back to army life.. sob sob...

cos he only get the night shift... only till around August then maybe can change shift.. so in the day I will be schooling and in the night he is working... bottom line.. no time to meet.. so its back to the weekends-only dates le.. sob sob.. going to miss him so much man...

but ok la.. the job is good.. the pay is reasonable and the benefits are good too.. plus, its a one year contract so he can change after that if he wants more experience... so overall its good..

anyway, been spending alot of time with him.. so got alot of memories to keep me company through the week.. haha.. this week got quite a few bad ones but well, the weekend alone is good enough to by pass the bad.. hahaha...

well, this shall be phase one.. my test.. hahaha.. well, I sort of got it all into phases.. hahaha.. phase one is where dear starts working.. its my test cos I got to see whether I can trust him and I would have to be more independent since he will be working and would have less time for me... this phase wile end in September...

if I manage to pass phase one we will move to phase 2.. which is dear's test.. cos in Sept, I start attachment.. so which means we are both working.. then dear will have to see if he can trust me and that our timings will beable to work out for us to meet and so on.. so that is phase 2 and will end in January 2007 cos tts when attachment ends...

last but not least is phase 3... that will be the time I officially start work till the time where we get married.. if we do marry.. hahaha.. it will test everything.. from whether we can last through everything and eventually cohabitation.. hahaha.. so that's the last phase..

of cos if we past that stage then that would mean we would have been happily married.. hahaha.. then like that married will have a new set of phases altogether... hahaha.. but that's abit far ba.. hahaha...

anyway, I hope me and dear manage to pass.. We've been through so much le.. and so far, we manage to overcome so many problems, obstacles and differences...

anyway, dear dear.. I hope u will have a good time at work k.. I hope that ur colleagues will be good to work with (maybe not so good for the gals.. hee hee... ) and that u will be able to gain as much work experience as possible... I love u dear and will support u all the way.. muack

Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
11:11 PM