为什么我要想那么多呢？为什么我要在乎那么多呢？我可以为他改而接受他现在的看法和想法吗？在人生中，为什么要有那么多“为什么”呢？

对我来说，如果我爱一个人，我不会想对他说他的缺点，因为我知道人听到自己的缺点是一种不好的感觉。。 所以，我为何要说出他的缺点而伤害他呢？每个人都不是完美的，只看你要不要接受他所有的缺点和优点或比此比此的改给对方。。 我为你所改的地方你看到了吗 你欣赏了吗？如果我要你为我而改，你肯吗？

我知道对你来说，你已经为我改了很多。。 你为我而放弃很多东西。。 我真的看到了和很感谢你为我的付出。。 可能我真的是对你有很多要求吧。。现在你看不到我们两人一起的未来

， 这样怎么办? 我们该继续交往下去吗？

我好乱。。 我很累。。 但是，我为什么还不能放弃， 不能停着爱你。。 我不要失去你。。 我该怎么做才能让我们快乐的交往下去呢？可以告诉我吗？

i always knew that i was not close with my family... that there was always a wedge in between.. i could never really sit down and talk to them, and share with them my thoughts and feelings... i was always not at home too.. but today, it really really shook me that i did not know what was happening within my family.. that such a big thing was going on and yet i was totally unaware...

i wanted to run away from my own problems.. i din wan to go home and cry in my room and make my family worried.. but my sis needed me.. hearing her cry over the phone really broke my heart and made me realise how much i have negleted her over the years...

gone were the days where all 4 of us would sit on my bed and measure how big our ears, eyes and face was... gone were the days where i would bring them out for ice cream or play at the playground...

it hurts when i saw my parents caring and talking to my sis.. it hurts even more that my mum told my sis abt stuff but not me... i do not blame them, i blame myself... since young, i have always wish that i could have the same relationship and friendship that my friends had with their parents... where i could open up to them and share everything... for years i have yearn for the attention that they showered over my siblings.. why am i so different from them?

my dad did not know how much i have gone through.. yet he scolded me.. for years i told myself to open up to them, yet i always fail... instead, all my pain is burried deep in my heart..

to whom can i share my troubles.. who will really listen to what i say and really understand how i feel... no matter how many friends i have, i somehow cant find someone who can and is willing to understand me...

it hurts.. it really hurts... can anyone feel and take away my pain? anyone?

after waiting for more than 2 months for an acceptance letter from any of the universities, i have finally receive one...

Singapore Institute of Management (SIM) has offered me a position for their next intake in their accountancy program... i will be getting an overseas degree from a well-known business university in Australia (RMIT) in 2 short years instead of the usual 3-4 years duration...

what was my reaction... tears... unfortunately, it wasn't tears of joy...

these few days have been a rollercoaster for me... my heart is in a constant state of turmoil and confusion... at times, i really dun know what to do other than to lie on my bed, hug Coco and cry till i have no more tears left...

i have been anticipating this letter for 2 months and all along the thought of receiving this letter would usually make me eager and excited... instead, i cried...

haiz... i have no idea what is going on in my life... i just feel tired of everything around me.. just plain tired... i am just plain confuse...

to add to my confuse state of heart, now i have to have a confuse state of mind.. as i am now deciding upon which university and degree i should accept...

why can't university be a compulsory thing... why must there be so much competition and struggle... haiz... so headache... i thought i had my whole life figure out.. what i wanted to study.. what i wanted to work as... whom i wanted to marry and how many kids and what breed of dog that i would get... but nothing seems to be going as plan...

its true... we can't always have things our way... yet why, especially girls think and dream so much... why do we have so many hopes and dreams.. it only proves to ruin us when they do not come true..

i need to settle my life once and for all.. and fast.. or else i might just loose everything... what does Xiang Zhen want in her life? what do i want in my future? can anyone direct me?

i'm so tired... so confuse... God, help me...

kor kor is off to Germany for a 3 month holiday cum internship with Yen Shan... so lucky... how i wish me and dear dear can go fo an overseas trip too... seems like everyone around me is going overseas except me.. boo hoo... i wan to go overseas too.. even if it is to Genting i also dun mind wor.. dear dear, when will we be able to go overseas together... -dreamz....- hee hee...

anyway, din send my bro off at the airport since cant fit into a taxi and now there is the mid night surcharge.. well, its 3 months... time pass very fast de ba... probably if dear dear was the one who went overseas time will pass super slowly.. phew.. thank God.. lol.. anyway, i hope kor will have a safe and fun trip.. hope he remembers to buy me stuff from Germany.. hee hee... especially chocolate... yummy.. lol...

me and dear dear had ur hair cut earlier today... the first cut was seriously heart breaking... one who chunk cut off... -sadz- subsequently it wasn so bad but still... missing my long hair.. hahaha.. my new current hair style is nice too.. hee hee... i like.. lol.. dear dear likes it too.. i asked him many times whether he would still love me even without my long hair.. and after much reassurance and persuasion, i decided that it was high time to start a new style.. hee hee.. i haven cut my hair since i perm it... my hair was way below mt bra strap.. now, its above... sob sob.. oh well, i still like my hair.. hee hee..

i was hopping that after i cut my hair i would look younger than dear dear.. than people will stop assuming that we are 姐弟恋... but then, dear dear new hair style also makes him look young...

-shucks- oh well, boh bian ba.. lol..

yesterday me and dear dear had steam boat at the usual place at bugis...which reminds me...

ladies and gentlemen, please be cautioned not to try 天天火锅... please dun be fooled by the lovely and captivating ads tat u see on TV... i can assure u that the real deal is nothing like wat u see on TV... the service is horrible, the food spread limited and the soup nothing special.. plus, the price is super not worth it.. have u ever had steam boat and had to pay for the soup as well? usually its one price.. but not there... u have to pay additional 10 bucks above the 16 plus bucks for the soup... WTH... eating there cost us 50 over bucks... and there wasn even crab...

the bugis one is so much better... its only 26 bucks yet there is crab, prawn, 3 types of meat and they even have watermelon.. and, its all u can eat... i think i ate more than 5 crabs yesterday... hahaha.. and not to worry, the ingredients are super fresh.. super nice.. super money worth.. hahaha.. at 天天 we ate for only 50 mins then left.. and i only ate one round and i din have any appetite... at the bugis one, i ate 5 crabs, 3 corns and dun know how many servings of cuttlefish, squid, meat, mushroom, watermelon.. hahaha... the endless list.. we ate for more than an hour la.. hahaha.. super delicious... so worth it... hee hee..

dear dear made the meal even more memorable by saying how much he is happy that he is with me... why? cos i very easy going.. i dun have to eat high class food all the time and i dun even need to have air con... so dear dear can bring me to eat a kind of food at different areas.. haha.. so nice... in return, my dad brings him to eat all the high class food for free... lol.. fair trade rite... example, on my bday, dear dear brought me to eat something simple.. and when my family celebrated, we ate at Family, which was previously known as Paris.. hee hee...

anyway, enuf abt food.. i had a great dinner today... too bad dear din come.. but he was very sweet.. my family did invite him to come for farewell dinner for my bro but he decline as he wanted it to be my family dinner with no outsiders.. sweet rite.. he missed out on my mums good food which consisted of seafood from Japan and KK... oh well, dear will be coming over tml for both lunch and dinner.. hee hee...

well, lets post pics now.. need to post all my old hairstyle pics.. hahaha.. tml onwards, it will be pictures with my new hairstyle wor.. lol.. stay tune =)

i miss watching sunsets with bf

i miss kissing bf

I MISS HIM!!!