Sunday, July 29, 2007
Breaking Free
I am so breaking free from my depressing state... although, the depression really helped me to loose weight.. of cos, it was a very unhealthy way to do so.. haha...
anyway, i decided that its time to let things go with the flow.. lol.. nah... that mind set still needs some working on to do.. lol.. the fact being that things actually settled... surprisingly... lol.. but all in all, things are more or less settled which i am thankful for... just got to get past this next 2 weeks and things should be right back to normal... rite? (nudge the person involved) lol..
anyway, xue ting has been bugging me to upload the pictures.. haha... i din say it was annoying hor... its a good thing actually..lol.. it makes me remember to blog.. so thanks babe... =)
so here are some pics from an outing with my darlings last Thur... they were such sweet hearts and great pals.. they tried to cheer me up.. was so touch.. so sorry that i really wasn't in the mood and was still down.. u gals did a great job.. its was just me..so sorry... i promise the next outing i will make it up to u all.. =)
PNX2: The loveliest, sweetest, most beautiful frenz a gal can ever wish for =)
Ms Ah Pei and Ms Nerine
The two Xs: Xiang and Xue
yummy deserts for all
Neo-print
the neo-prints are kinda blur since i tried using my camera... but i guess that roughly can make out the faces so why not.. =)
PNX
Where's nerine? she was doing SIP in China..
Besties
happy
their goal was to make me happy.. and seriously, they succeeded =)
those gals even went all out to get me something to cheer me up.. i am so so blessed...
Xue ting is currently working at this shop which is in Katong..
and what better way to cheer someone up by getting them bright colourful deserts
YUMMY!!!
P.S. I am still missing someone terribly, bt now, i am learning to control =)
Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
9:57 PM
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Questions
i haven been blogging for some time as i dun really have the mood nor do i know how to express whats going on with my life..
some shout outs first before i continue
1. to Ms Cindy who has so much interest with my relationship, u really have nothing better to do yeah.. know its ur life and u can do what u wan to do... but dun u get sick of it... haiz, anyway, i have now come to a point where i cant be bothered what u wan to do to my relationship...shld u choose to chase him back and shld he wan u back, i wish both of u the best of luck and loads of happiness... so u may try though seriously, i doubt u will succeed...
2. with regards to my previous entry, i was in a foul mood when i wrote those things... i had no intentions of putting blame on people nor was my entry targeted at any one person but the whole general picture... when i wrote the entry, it was mainly my point of view and what i perceived the situation at that point in time.. maybe i shld have get the facts right before attempting to blog... however, at that time, i felt no need to get the facts right...thus, the result of my entry..
3. to lili, i know i have not been contacting to u.. esp after the incident...i hope that with regards to the incident, things have been cleared and u understand my feelings and my actions... truthfully, pride has caused me to loose contact with u over the days.. i think it is fair to say that u have told the others of my feelings and thoughts to the matter.. i felt that if so, i would not want to face u all as of yet and thus did not contact u all... i'm sorry.. i know we have a long history of friendship and i shouldn have let a silly argument or pride get in the way... however, also due to the fact that my life is rather complicated now, i hope u will understand how i feel... hopefully things will clear soon and my feelings towards the incident have dispersed than i will be able to face u properly once again.. till then, pls take care and pls understand that i do cherish the 7 years of friendship that we share.. =)
4. to Celine, hopefully u are reading my blog as it seems that lately u r not picking up calls.. i hope all is well for u and i hope to hear from u soon... i miss talking to u loads... take care k? may ur dream to become a teacher be fulfilled... hugs...
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life is full of ups and downs... the beauty of life is that we never know when our lives will go up or down and neither do we know what the future brings... to some is beauty to others is a nightmare... not knowing what will happen, plannings things that in the end dun go one's way can be gruelling to one's heart and mind...
but there is a saying that goes "behind every storm there is a silver lining" or something like tt... though i am unsure of the main definition of this saying, my take of it is that there will be happiness after every problem or behind every problem, there is a miracle..
but is this true for every storm, every problem... will there always be silver lining?
at the beginning, i tot so..i tot that no matter what, everyone has a guardian angle who will protect them at time of need... or there is someone above who will watch over us and pave ways for miracles...
but is this really true? haiz...
another question, what is love.. what truly is love? how can one differentiate between want, need and love... where is the distinction between love and the habit of being together?
to me,love has always been about the heart missing that person dearly when the person is amiss, or the feeling of wanting to see the person smile and laugh everyday... the joy of being able to see, hug and kiss the person whom lies so close in the heart.... but is this really what love truly is? or is there more to love?
next, is really love about sacrificing urself... just to make that person happy, ignoring one's own pain and suffering... is that really what love is about? is it to blindly follow the wishes and requests of ur love one even though it hurts to do, even if it means disregarding ur own feelings?
also, is there a need for both parties to love each other for the relationship to continue? should one fall out of love does it signifies the end of the relationship? should the other party humbly bow out of the relationship or should he or she try his or her best to make the person fall in love with again?
there are so many questions... but who really has the answers... is the answers base on one's own perception or is there a general answer behind these questions?
haha.. from the above i guess u can decipher how my life has been, how confused i am... i made a huge mistake and the mistake has caused me much pain and confusion... will i be able to mend the mistake? haiz, that is the question which lies in my mind, but the heaviest question of all questions...
is it time for the end?
i seriously do not know..
p.s I'm missing someone terribly.. i really am
7:57 PM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Notes to Self
- Do not leave the house when you feel down
- Should there be a need to leave the house when you feel down, make sure u do not bring excess cash nor ur ATM card
- When making friends, please do so wisely, otherwise u tend to get hurt easily
- When doing assignment, finish it. Do not procrastinate.
- Tell ur BF wat u want, do not make him guess...
i seriously need to remember the above 5 points man.. otherwise i will go broke, get hurt and go crazy... here is the story of what happen...
My friends wanted to plan a Kbox session this week.. last week, they asked me which day was i free to go for the session which would be held at night... as i had class on wed and thur in the mornings, i told them that Mon and Tues were the best days but i would prefer Mon since i had no class on Tues... However, it was made known that one or two of them would not be free and therefore it was changeto Tues...
Yesterday, i called one of the girls to get the details with regards to today's outing... during the phone call, i came to realise that actually the group was already having an outing.. an outing which i was not informed of... if this were the first time, i would have brush it off but this being not the first, i felt hurt... it seemed that the girl who actually could not make it on Mon was actally already out with them.. in other words, i was told a lie...
i have known them since Sec 1 and tot they were the only few sec sch friends that i have kept in contact with.. it hurt deeply to know that this sort of things were going on without me knowing.. (this is in line with note No. 3)
i called bf during his work.. initially i did not want to tell bf what was going on knowing full well that he would have just insulted my friends which to me would not help the matter.. so i told him that i was bored which was partially true since my parents were away in Malaysia and the two younger ones were at sch... bf just told me to go find things to occupy myself and said nothing else.. thus i was more hurt that he could not see that something else was on my mind. however, i decided to put it aside...
unfortunately, i am at times a selfish brat who wants her bf to do things out of the ordinary or to do stuff for the gf without her asking.. thus, i was hopping that he would sense my mood and offer to come and keep me company... well, things turn out for the worse with us getting into a huge argument and making me even more depressed... (note No. 5)
in the end, i did ask him to come over and in the end did tell him the matter and as predicted he did insult them... to him, these sort of friends were not worth having..
so now i was in a predicament.. should i listen to my bf, or just brush the whole issue aside... after bf left, i decided to confide in steffi and xue ting... steffi's advice was almost the same as bf.. while xue ting told me to follow my heart... haiz..
today, i decided to start on my assignment.. so far i had just started on the draft and never go around doing the main write up... so i woke up and started.. however, i had to stop half-way as i needed to prepare to give tuition at Simei.. so with that i left..
bf had to go out with his friend today and could not accompany me... not knowing who would be at home, i was not keen on being alone in the house esp when i was feeling down.. with that, i went walking around east point and Tampines...
when one's feel sad, one tends to get things for him or her ownself to cheer them up.. this is esp true for girls.. i am not an impulsive shopper by nature nor do i really shop alot.. however, today i decided that given my mood, some necessary cheering up was needed... thus in a short frame of 1hr, i spent more than 50 bucks on unnecessary stuff...
example would be a pouch for my ipod that was worth $13 (i seriously did not bother to check the price, i just took and pay).. a few shorts and other miscellaneous stuff... thus, note 1 and 2 surfaces...
and now, i have no mood to continue on my assignment which leads to note No. 4..
so there u are, the story behind the notes.. i seriously need to keep them noted somewhere.. otherwise if this continues, die...
anyway, this entry is kinda saddening, so to spice it up, here are some pics..
Newest HobbyIt started of with me getting a gold chain to replace the one that was broken for one of my necklaces... there was excess chain left so i decided to make a braclet out of it.. that i gave to bf mum since i tot she like gold stuff..
i then went to see online shopping stuff when bf intro a brand call Juicy Conture.. i also read abt it in Xiaxue's blog and decided to take a look.. i fell in love with their charm bracelets which were super expensive.. so in the end i went to search for sites that sold charms and from then on i started doing my own..
very simple one
decided to give it to my mum
the star is actually from an earing.. lost one side so decided to use the star
newest edition.. no repeating charms..
butterfly, crown, heart, leaf, angel, flower
trying to find coloured charms but quite hard to find.. either cannot find or too expensive to find.. anyway, heard China town has alot of places that sell charms and pendants.. hopefully can go and see soon.. =)
Ywill you fufill my dream this summer?
9:06 PM
